I Remember Choosing to Come to Earth! BREATHTAKING Pre-Birth Memory | Christian Sundberg

Hello, Christian. A warm welcome to the show.
Thank you so much. It's wonderful to be here.

You know, I've been looking forward to this interview for quite some time because I discovered you on YouTube. I listened to your story, and somehow it just felt like it healed me. And then I read your book, A Walk in the Physical, which inspired me so much, I cannot explain. I was sitting on the airplane on my way to Athens, and it was like my vibration just was up there. That I was vibing so high. I don't know, it just resonated so much with me. And also your story, which is really unique. Like, I haven't heard that.

I've interviewed many people around their near-death experiences, and there have been channelings and stuff like that, but I've never interviewed someone who really remembers the choices they made of coming down to this planet. And there's so much we could speak about today. And I'm really curious to see where we're led to go today. But I would really love for you to share your story of how you remember your state of being or existence before this life as Christian that you have today.

Sure, yeah, I'm happy to share. I'll do what I can. Before I do, I have to disclaim first that language cannot possibly speak to our higher natures or the larger spiritual context from which we come. Our language is earthly form, earthly symbols based in limitations that exist on Earth that are not fundamental to other reality systems. So I'm happy to share and try to use language, but the moment we open our mouths and try to speak to this, it's just wrong.

Okay, so I will share my experience to the best of my ability. Please do interrupt if you'd like.

So I remember long ago, before I had ever been physical, and I say long ago, but this is also... these memories feel like millions of years old, but they also feel like they're alive right now. So it's like super ancient and super personal, but also like a living state.

I remember coming across this being who had been physical and feeling from this being the quality of his nature, his essence. This is very hard to describe, but it's like those environments are telepathic, most higher reality systems. We sense and feel our connection with each other, and we can share telepathically and feel what the other person is and what they're feeling.

And I expressed to him, "My goodness, like, what could you possibly have done to be this?" Because I felt so much power and joy and freedom in this being. He was amazing. And he shared with me... he shared with me several things, but among what he shared with me was that he had lived a physical life. And in this physical life, he had dealt with chronic health pain, chronic health condition, some kind of pain that lasted with him for years, like a long period of time.

And the quality of being with which he met that experience allowed a refinement of his being, his nature, his essence. And I remember asking him, "Were you healed?" Because I could feel, like, how deeply he had been damaged, apparently damaged in this physical experience. And he shared, "Yes, he had been healed." I could feel the depth of the healing that he had experienced.

And I said, "I want to do that. I'm going to do that. I want to do that." And I was just very inspired and persistent. These words sound bad, but it was kind of like he brushed me off in a playful way, not a negative way, but like, "Yeah, that's what they all say." Like, basically, "You don't understand. You don't have experiential understanding for how hard it can be."

But I was persistent. I said, "No, I want to do it. I am going to do it." And so he said, "We'll go talk to your guides."

So what were you then? It seems like you were aware that there was something that was called healing, because from what I understand and I've read your book, you were sort of in peace and harmony and part of the creation and consciousness, but yet you knew that there was something to heal.

Okay, yeah. So it's true that I was one with all, and it's not just a state of simplicity. In this moment, I was moving with this being and hundreds of other beings across what we would describe as like a landscape of light. And we were all going to do a shared activity. And I don't remember what that activity was, but I remember feeling the quality coming off of this being.

So you could say we're like beings of light. I mean, that's a very crude and oversimplified way to put it. And there are many different reality systems, so I don't want to confuse that state, that reality system, with the ultimate fundamental state of being. The fundamental nature of what we are is consciousness itself, which transcends all description, all limitation, but we shine through various reality systems of various levels of complexity or difficulty.

So anyway, in this experience, yes, I could feel from this being, like, what he was and how much joy and power and freedom he knew and he was and he contained. I don't know if that's the right word, because his nature and my nature are shared. We can feel that connectedness, that oneness. Like you yourself, you're individuated, but you're also one with the whole.

In many of these higher systems, you also know, like, how do I describe this? Like, even the environment outside of you. If it's a visual experience, you don't need to have a visual experience. But if it's a visual experience and you're seeing, like, a landscape, you can feel that that landscape is within you and you're connected to it and you're a part of it. You know that you're not separate from it, even though you're yourself.

So I don't know if that spoke to your question.
Absolutely. I know there's so much to this story. Yeah. So please go on.

Okay, so I don't have right after that, but I remember going and finding this being again later, after I had been physical, like, I had had many physical experiences and coming and finding him and sharing with him that I was on this path, like I was doing it, and he was very encouraging.

Okay, so the majority of my pre-birth memory is of a time and again, time is difficult to speak to, but what we would say is a time somewhat immediately preceding this physical life where I had taken a long break. I remember this guide coming to me over and over again and asking, "Are you ready to go back yet? Are you ready to go back yet?" And just kind of, like, getting my attention over and over, just like a gentle nudge, repeatedly asking, "Are you ready to return?"

And saying, "No, I'm not ready to go back yet, I'm not ready yet." And finally being like, "Okay, I'm ready to go back." And then reviewing with this guide what I can only describe as so hard to describe, but my state, like, who I am, who I was, what I had experienced, and I could see and feel and know all these different types of experiences I had had and qualities you could say that I understood that I had.

I don't want to use the word developed, but like, you know, aspects of being that I understood and had mastered versus other ones I had not. And there was this one specific vibration that was just like a huge, for lack of a better word, weak spot. I don't really want to put it that way because we are not weak as souls. There's no weakness, there's nothing lacking.

But I could still see this one specific fear that had bested me in a previous experience. It was a certain negative vibration, like a negative self-perception, a certain type of fear that I had engaged, and it had overcome me in a previous experience. And it was like a very weak leg. You could say that I needed to walk on, not need to, but it would be beneficial for me to engage. It was obvious what I needed to do.

But it was also like I could see even from there that the vibrational distance of this specific fear that I had experienced and that was within me was so low, like, so extreme in a certain way. And I was like, "Is it even possible to integrate, to process a fear that's this low?" And my guide shared with me, "Yes, and you have all time available to you to do so."

It was just I knew that this is hard to explain, but there wasn't a limitation on my being. And there had been beings who had engaged vibrations this low and succeeded. And I knew, if it's even possible, I will do it. It sounds so strange to me as a human because I've experienced deep trauma and pain. But from that perspective, I, you know, I know, I knew. And I know now what we are. We can't be harmed. We are immortal spirit. That's what we... that's our true nature. It can't truly fail or be thwarted.

And I just had this incredible excitement like, "I will do that. I'm so excited to do that." So they brought me a lifetime that was very appropriate, a very good match for that intention to meet that low vibration fear. And it wasn't this lifetime. It was like an immediately preceding life.

I remember reviewing that life, reviewing a detailed plan of that life and then accepting that life, and then accepting what we call the veil, which is just a word, but it means the constraints in consciousness space that consciousness wears, adopts, takes on in order to have the physical experience.

So the way I experienced it was like a plummet in vibration. Down, down, lower, lower, all the way down, lower, lower. I like to describe it like if you take a pitch-producing device, like a sound amplifier, and it's making a high pitch, and then you turn down the knob, and then when you get to the bottom, you turn it down some more and then more and then more and more and then crank it down some more. More and more and more.

That's what it felt like in the body of my awareness vibrationally, to plummet down, down into this incarnated state. And as that happened, all of my knowing disappeared. All my knowing was cut off in my memory. And it felt like I lost all that I am.

And so I arrived at this place that was so low vibration, so dark, so limited, that within moments, I responded in fear. I was like, "I'm not doing this. There's no way that I'm going to tolerate a lifetime of this." So I summoned my might, my strength, and I fought my way out. I pushed my way out past the veil, and I was successful in doing that.

I immediately became aware that I had killed the body that was to be mine, the fetus, before it had even been born. And I had a life review for that, very, very short life. And I could see how my fear had impacted the mother by heaping grief upon her. And not only the mother, but I could see, like, ripples in a pond, hundreds of other people whose lives were made more difficult because of my fear.

From that side, you know, that it's okay. There's nothing truly wrong. It's just a play. But I could see very objectively, like, "Oh, man, I got a lot of fear. I got to do something about this."

So I maintained the intention to engage this fear, and I spent some time in what I've called a veil acceptance simulator. I know this sounds kind of wild, but there's, like, a room where you go and they put a mock veil over you, and you practice surrendering to it. Metaphorically, it was like being dunked underneath the dark water of a swimming pool and then holding your breath and seeing how long you can hold your breath, and then you can cry uncle if you want to get out and they'll let you out.

So I did that for a while to practice allowing sufficiently so that I wouldn't repeat this... I don't want to use the word failure, but repeat this event of canceling and ending a life prematurely.

So then after a while, they brought me this life as Christian. And I remember reviewing this life in incredible detail. I remember reviewing what I can only describe as, like, a flowchart, a huge flowchart that had millions and millions and millions of possibilities of how the life might actualize.

So it's like if you took a tree and laid it on its side and started at the thick part of the trunk and worked your way out to the branches. It was like that. And there were events in it, but it wasn't focused on physical earthly events. It was more focused on what it would be like to be me, what it would be like to have the actual experience from the vantage point of Christian, the human being.

Christian. And I could see that certain things were more likely and certain things were less likely. And I could see that it was very likely that a trauma would arise in my 20s that would crush me and give me the chance to re-experience this fear that I came to experience.

And I was very excited, even though when that happened here in my life, it did actualize. I had a traumatic health experience in Chengdu, China, and it took me years to recover. I had post-traumatic stress and worked through that over years of counseling.

So I do not make light of the depth of the difficulty and the rigor of the challenge that we might actually experience here, but from that perspective, I could see the opportunity. Like, the opportunity was just astronomically huge. If I could meet this experience and really process that fear, really integrate that experience, really bring love into it, really find joy and peace even here, even in the midst of that vibrational location, I just knew that it would enable a profound expansion of not only myself, but the whole.

Because I'm a part of the whole. And the whole actually learns too. Maybe learn is a bad word. There's an expansive process happening, and I knew that by integrating this fear, I was participating not only in my personal expansion, but the expansion of all that is. And I was so excited.

And I remember asking questions about the life. I made certain requests, like, for instance, I remember knowing that I had been intelligent in recent lives, and I asked if I could do that again, if I could be intelligent. And they said, "Yes, you could do that."

And I knew that it would be important that I be male in this life. Not that men have any... it's just different qualities of being the masculine, and the feminine energy is just a different angle. And I just knew that the masculine angle had some... there was some use for that in order for me to meet this fear.

And I also knew that my father in this lifetime would instill confidence in me and that he would really keep me very strong in that area of confidence, so that wouldn't be an issue. I knew that that would be helpful so that I would have a rock to stand on, so to speak, to meet the fear, and that my mother would be very loving.

Okay? So then I remember there having to be a moment to say yes. And I don't remember that moment, but I do remember being in this waiting area and then this guide coming to me all of a sudden, like, "Go now," like, grabbing my attention as if he grabbed my shoulders and just gave me a really mighty shove. And I'm like, "Okay, now you got to get on Earth time now," kind of thing.

And then being in this room that I can only describe as a mechanics shop or like a technician's chamber, and it was like this circular room over the earth. I could see a shaft below me, and the earth was below. And there were these beings there that I can only describe as technicians or tinkers. Tinker is probably a good English word for the feeling of them.

And there are these very mechanically skilled... you could say energetic, energetic mechanics, skilled in that way for applying the veil. They're like veil technicians or something. And I remember being over this shaft and them asking me, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Because I knew once I said yes, I knew I was strapped in. I was in for the ride. Like getting on a roller coaster. Like you can't get off until the roller coaster comes to a complete stop. That kind of a thing.

And I said yes. And then I remember that plummet in vibration. Down, down. Lower, lower, lower. Even lower. More. Lower once again. But this time I just focused on not fighting it. I was focused on surrendering to the veil and letting it take hold of me. And letting it do what it would do.

And then after a while, feeling being in this place that I can only describe, like, the vacuum of space in the womb, it's just so dense and dark and obscured. And I remember from that place sending one message back to the technicians, "Did it take? Did the veil take?" And then getting one message back, "Yes."

And I felt really accomplished, actually, because I knew that even making it to the physical, even achieving the vibrational state of being physical, was an accomplishment. And I was like, "Okay, I'm here." And it was like, "That's wonderful."

But then after not too long, my fear began to arise once again because I was so limited, it was so dark, my knowing was cut off. It felt like I had lost all that I am. And so I began once again to summon my might, my strength, to fight my way out and reject the experience once again.

As I did that, the most holy moment in my entire earthly life happened. The Spirit of God, what we call God the Source, that which is beyond all description, the profound, powerful, potent "I am" of all came to me and expanded me back out.

And I felt all of the universe within me. I felt all the galaxies, all the stars. I felt them all within my body. I felt all that I am. And I felt our sun, Earth's sun. And I felt its churning bliss, had this, like, raging bliss is the word I would describe, just like fiery bliss.

And God said to me, "This is still what you are. You can never not be this." And it was such a holy moment. And I just thought to myself, "Well, that's amazing. That's wonderful. I don't have to fight." Because it was so relieving. I was like, "Oh, my gosh, I can let go."

And I let go and just surrendered into being in the womb because I knew if I hadn't lost all that I am, that I didn't need to fight. So then I was in the womb for a while. It felt like a long while. And then the next memory I have is of the day I was born.

I remember the sensory experience, just cold, shock, touching light. I remember looking up at the nurses and having absolutely no idea what was going on. Just being so confused and not understanding what were these shapes? What were these beings that were taking care of me? I knew they were some kind of living being, but I didn't understand.

But I felt love for them, actually felt love for the nurses. And I remember just being super intensely curious. And it's funny because I shared this memory much later with my father. And he said when I was born, my eyes were wide open and I was looking at everything with the most intense curiosity he had ever seen.

And I remember that. I remember being so curious about what is happening here. So I don't have much after that, but once I got a little bigger, I remember drawing upon these pre-birth memories in this flowchart and just to predict what was going to happen with simple things.

Like, I remember wondering, "Is our neighborhood friend, our next-door neighbor, are they going to come over?" Like I'm talking when I was maybe three or four or something. "Are they going to come over today?" Just as an example and getting an answer because I was checking the flowchart about the likelihood.

But I had certain expectations for how life on Earth would be based on what I remembered from the higher realms because I assumed that life here would be like there. For instance, I assumed that we would be able to feel each other's emotions here telepathically.

And one time a neighbor friend was over. I remember being in a diaper and standing at this little couch, like sofa thing, and telling the neighbor there was this music on in the background. My father was playing the song on the radio on the record player. I even remember the song, and I remember telling the neighborhood friend, "Watch me dance."

And I remember shaking my little tosh in my diaper and feeling really funky with the music. And she just walked away unimpressed. And when she did, I was like, "Oh my gosh." It occurred to me she can't feel what I'm feeling. And when that occurred to me, I was like, all of a sudden I felt like I was in a very alien world. Like, "What the heck is this place that we can't feel each other's emotions? What is going on?"

Anyway, so that's just a summary.
Oh, my goodness, this is so fascinating, and I have so many questions. Okay, so where to start?

Okay, this veil, why do you think you remember? I mean, you did say that. Did it stick or something like that? Did the veil stick? But then you remember. So have you remembered this your whole life or no?

All right, yeah, so I guess I should have included that. I'm sorry. When I was a small child, I remembered, but the memory left me completely by the age of five or six, and I had no memory of it at all until the age of 30. My body is 43 right now. It's about 13 years ago.

It returned spontaneously after I took up a meditation practice and after I gained a deep familiarity with my awareness itself, just as it exists beneath all the thinking and stories and all the association, the form association. Then the memory just was there, and it was even more real than this, than any earthly memory. And it was so obvious. It was like the most obvious, normal thing.

So why do you think that you particularly are remembering and not me, for instance, and all the other... so I'm not special. But I will say that in my pre-birth planning, I did ask to have to keep a small amount of memory. And they said that I could do that, but that it would make this life more difficult.

And I could feel from that perspective why it's because the contrast between there and here would be even greater. Because if you have any glimmer of what home is like, the foreignness and the alienness of this state of being can become so painful that it can become intolerable.

A lot of near-death experiences describe that very painful homesickness. Well, I feel that for sure. In a sense, the veil protects us because it prevents that really deep homesickness. But anyway, I don't consider myself special at all because we all are our deeper selves. We all are our higher selves.

It's just that we've agreed to be veiled for a duration, for purposes of expansion. We've come to have the human experience, and that means signing up for complete immersion as complete as we can get. But despite the fact that it's very complete immersion, we've all made a similar choice and a similar journey, even if we don't remember it.

When you forgot about the truth of who you were, were you an atheist then or did you have some sort of spiritual belief?
Yeah, no, that's a good question. So, I mean, as I aged, my parents took me to a Lutheran church, and I always sensed there's something spiritual going on. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something going.

We all feel it to one degree or another. So for a long time, I understood the world through a Lutheran lens. And I had very traditional Protestant Christian beliefs. In fact, I even considered going to seminary in my 20s. Even then, though, I just felt like I can't put God in a box, even though that's not a very small box.

I still didn't feel comfortable completely committing to some kind of a structure, a limitation system, you could say. But I did believe. I did have Christian Lutheran mainstream beliefs for a long time, and a part of my early awakening process, I began to have out-of-body experiences, and I began to experience a deeper aspect of who I really am.

And when I did, it took a lot of humility to first acknowledge all that I didn't know because belief in something to feel better is easy. It's hard to recognize, "Oh, man, I really don't know." And there's so much that you have to be willing to... you have to be very courageous, actually. And it's very humbling to drop an old belief system that you thought had all the answers because that was very helpful to the ego, actually, to help provide the answers.

But I had to let that go. And another thing I had to let go, just as an example, in that same vein, I used to really trust in human understanding and in my intellect. I'd done all these things in my human life that on the human level seem like accomplishments. Well, I realized my intellectual ability meant almost nothing.

What's important is love. The quality of being with which we meet this experience that then works with and shines through an intellectual context. It can use intellect. Fear or love can use the content of intellect. So anyway, I had to go through significant personal shifts, and it did very much affect those around me as well.

Yeah, I can imagine that it is a big deal all of a sudden believing in something and then it all shifts because we are so in our heads about what we believe in. I mean, that's how we run our lives. What we act after and why we do certain things is because we believe certain things.

But I assume that it must have also been an amazing experience.

Oh my gosh, yes. I was so excited to tell people that we are multidimensional beings having a human experience. I can't tell you, and I shared this in other videos, but I said to my wife, it sounds so silly now that I say this, and I know this isn't the way to reach people.

But just as an example of how excited I was, I actually told my wife, "I'm going to make flyers, and I'm going to put them in people's mailboxes. And the flyers are going to say, 'You're a multidimensional being having a human experience, and you have nothing to fear, there's nothing to be afraid of, and you can live a life of love and joy.'"

And I just wanted to go and put... and my wife's like, "Yeah, you're going to be that guy if you do that." I'm like, "Oh yeah, I'll be that guy." Of course, I did not end up doing it. I only considered that for a few minutes. But I'm just saying that I was so excited. I just wanted to tell people.

And what was really interesting to me, I was always the Christian guy. I was very active in my church, and I was an assistant minister for like 20 years in my church. I taught confirmation class. I was on the church council. And so I found that when I shared what I experienced, which was an opening towards unconditional love, like an expansion of truly good news that there is nothing to fear and we cannot fail.

But it was interesting because I would share that with some I knew that still retained a belief structure that was closer to my old one, and it was not well received in general.

I actually had sort of the same experience the first times I was out of my body or actually the first time I really had a great experience out of my body. I woke up and I ran out on the street, and I was like, "I want to tell somebody exactly reality out there." No, I'm not going to do that.

I totally get it. That's exactly how I felt. And then it's like, "But people need to know this. This is important stuff." And because those experiences, I think what a lot of people who don't remember experiencing that, I mean, we all do experience it, we just typically don't remember it. It's so real. It's so real. It's not a dream. It's actually more lucid, more real, more visceral, more tangible, more physical, actually, than the physical experience.

So when you come back, it's like so self-evidently real that you just want to tell people.
I'd love to go into that because I'm so curious about... again, I have to say where we really come from because I don't know how to explain it with my limited words and understanding because you mentioned so many details, like you were planning your life, this flowchart of a million possibilities.

So in this room, are there rooms and how did it look like? And who were these guides? If you can just sort of give us a picture of some of the memory, how it looks like there and what kind of guides you were hanging out with and who are they?

Let me just say this. So if you were to ask someone who's never been to Earth, "What does Earth look like?" Okay, well, first of all, they've never been there, so they can't even imagine what you're about to tell them. It's no language for it. And secondly, Earth has a lot of different contexts, a lot of different places, a lot of different potential situations.

And these systems that I'm referring to are much less constrained. So they have far more potential of states of being and of experience than what we commonly experience on Earth. Earth is a very dense and limited experience by comparison. Okay?

So on Earth, we experience an external environment with places. So we think reality is made of places. So I want to know what that place is like. And that's fine, that's an okay question because there are the experience of places, but it's far more than that.

So I can just share a couple of small details. Okay? So when I was in the state before the guide came to me to ask if I was ready to go back yet, I remember being in a realm of living golden light, and my being was connected to it.

And so then you say, "What were you doing in the realm of light?" Well, the only word I can think of in English is like, frolicking, just a joyful churning and expression of being and reaching out to places telepathically and instantaneously and then going and engaging in different things.

But see, all time is also happening in one now, so it's far less limited. But then when the guide came and got to my attention, it wasn't like on Earth, like he had to walk up and like I had to see a face and then he had to say some words. That's not necessary at all because we're all connected.

So there's this mental telepathic bridge, and he just came, visited me, and I knew he was visiting me even though I didn't need a visual experience for it. So I don't know if that helps.

Different environments have... okay, so the other thing is these higher environments communicate. Thought-responsive environments tend to communicate to the individual in the experience language of the individual. So if you're a human... so if the human portion of you engages a non-physical environment, a thought-responsive environment, that environment may look like objects that you recognize to incredible detail.

I'm not saying like they're amorphous, like I'm talking like scratches in the table level physicality to them, but in the symbolism and in the objects that mean something to you. So one thing that comes to mind is an example, and this is not an example, I don't have many examples of this, but sometimes when I have non-physical experiences, I like to try to prove it the next day.

So if I'm interacting with somebody I know who is physically alive, I like to try to validate and verify that that interaction happened the next day, if I can, in the physical. And so one time, and this is the only time I was able to do this, at least so far, this woman who I'm close to, she ran a mediumship circle that I was a part of, and her and I were close, and we had had a non-physical experience together previously, spontaneously.

So we set aside the intention to lay down, actually to get up at five in the morning, go back to sleep, and then while asleep to try to meet non-physically and see if we can intentionally have an experience. And I feel that we were able to have that experience and verify it because we both saw an environment that had incredible similarities to it.

What I saw was a restaurant that looked like an old 1930s McDonald's and an old car that was probably from like the 1910s. But more than the visual, there was a feeling, because there's a lot of feeling... is a lot of feeling language you could say. So I described what I felt and saw to her, and she described that she was attempting to bring in an energy like that.

And she saw a restaurant from like the... it was a different color, but we both saw very similar objects, and they meant something to each of us in a way that was more closely resembling whatever the message of that environment was. So that's a very simple example.

Another example I can think of is one time I was out of body, and my attention began to drift to my earthly thinking and concerns. And I began to think about work, actually, while I was there. And suddenly I felt very trapped. Actually, let me rephrase. Suddenly I felt a little bit trapped, but because I was focused on the perception of being trapped, the environment I was in immediately became a dark prison cell with bars, rusty bars that had a physicality to them.

And I realized, "Oh, I haven't gone to a place called a prison. I instantly manifested a prison because of the state of the vibration that I was entertaining." And see, we actually are all doing that all the time. It's just we don't know it here in the physical. It's a lot slower. It's a lot slower to manifest.

But we're all actually wielding that creative power with our intention and belief and expectation all the time, which has a tangential comment, but it's important, which is one of the reasons why it's so important that we face our fear and that we remind each other of the truth of the fearlessness of our being.

Because if we remember, we are truly free, joyful, powerful, loving beings, and we have nothing to be afraid of, as we get in touch with that, we are then better able to actualize that in our local environments. So I went down a long path there. I hope that spoke to your question.

Yeah, you explain it so well, and I love that, especially being Norwegian. I'm like, "Oh, you have great English words." That I understand them, but I can't find them myself. Wow. All right. Okay. Law of attraction. So you would say that's very real.

Yeah, I think we tend to dumb it down. We tend to oversimplify it. So basically, okay, consciousness is the substance. That is what I mean is the stuff that's the most real is spirit itself, consciousness itself. That's like the substrate of existence.

And consciousness, what happens is consciousness moves, it does something. And that doing... I use the word intention. That just means a consciousness intends something, it moves in a direction. It seeks to do something or make some choice.

Okay, the reason I start with that is because intention is at the root of manifestation. And so really, you could compare us. So sometimes when people think of Law of Attraction, they think, "Okay, I want a new car. So if I sit here and think, 'I want a new car,' I will get a new car."

Well, it's not really that. The universe is listening to your surface-level thought, "I want a new car." What the universe is listening to is your intention, the quality of being with which you are being. So if you're seeking a new car, maybe what you're really saying underneath it is, "I'm afraid I won't have a ride, so I want a new car."

So the universe is hearing the pitch of "I'm afraid I won't have a ride." And that's why processing fear is first, because then as we process fear, we open up the opportunity for much more loving and joyful expressions.

So you might say that we're like soundboards that are producing because it's not just one pitch we're producing. You could say like hundreds of pitches all the time based on our intention, our beliefs, our expectations. And the universe is hearing them all, and it's responding to not only your pitches but the pitches of every other participant in the game.

And there's a lot of them, but a focused, clear being-level deep... that means deep intention is a lot more powerful, a lot more effective than a surface-level thought muttering. If you're just going to sit there and just kind of mutter like a weak comment that doesn't really have the oomph to cause an effect, especially in the physical because the physical is so slow and dense by comparison.

But if you're truly clear and especially if your intention is of love because love is the true power, it's reflective of the unity of being. So if we can really clear out all the crap and really bring forth an intention of love and peace just in this moment in whatever way, wow, that is powerful stuff.

It has a manifestation potency that is much greater than actually many people who are not awake and who are not purposefully using that intention. So just some comments on what we typically call the law of attraction.

Yeah, very interesting, and I'd love to share my thoughts on it and then you can play the tennis ball back and see if I'm on the right track because when I'm thinking about law of attraction and manifesting, I often feel that people's traumas are coming up.

Like a couple now is trying to sell their apartment, and they've had so much trouble selling apartments before, and now it's difficult times, but still, I don't have problems with that. I've always had flow in apartment buying and selling my apartment, so it seems like I don't have so much resistance there, but it seems like they have, and now they're in totally interfere, and I'm like, "You got to manifest it."

But as I was saying that, I just felt it's not so easy for them because they have so many experiences with not being able to sell their apartment, and each time they get into fear, and they get into trouble with those who are buying. There's always an issue with selling and buying apartments for that couple.

So you're talking about meeting their fear. Is it the fear that's their problem or is it that they have so many experiences that it becomes a belief for them that it's very hard to sell an apartment for the price they actually need?

Yeah, great question. So first of all, before I comment to the question at hand, it's not that every single thing in our lives is always a direct representation of just our intention. Of course, there are many different players in the game. All the laws of physics work. There's rules as to how the physical unfolds.

So we might nudge the probabilities of something that might happen a lot, and maybe it moves from a one in 1000 chance to a one in ten chance, and it still doesn't happen. I'm using simple language, but I'm just pointing out that it's not just like a clear one-to-one. There's a lot of energy at work, and the divine laws at work are very effective. So just a context for the comment.

Okay, so we do get what we expect and believe. You get what you expect might be a simple way to talk about manifestation. Okay. Like you said in the example. So fear is difficult for us to... so fear is another word for yet on evolving this. It's just another way to say it's something that we haven't yet integrated.

And one of the great values of the physical is that you get what you fear. No, but that's not a negative. No, this is the place we come where we get so committed into... I don't want to use the word bound because we're never actually truly bound into the physical. It's just that when we do that so that we have the unrelenting opportunity, the unrelenting chance to face and process and integrate that which we haven't done yet.

So if there is a primary fear that you're here to deal with, then it tends to keep rising back up into your experience. Maybe it's a fear of powerlessness, maybe it's a fear of not being worthy of love through relationship, whatever the rejection is. And it's not a negative that it keeps rising up, it's that you're afraid of it.

So you're putting a lot of energy into it by resisting it. So you think you're trying to get away from it, but it's like building up a dam and then putting your energy in the dam throughout your whole life. Well, that's creating an effect because there's a cause and effect in all of our intentions and all of our thoughts and all of our association with form.

So then it keeps coming up so that we have the opportunity to face it. In my case, the fear that I came to process is very, very deep and very personal. And I may deal with challenges that nobody else deals with because it's helpful, actually, so that I can meet this fear and have the opportunity to really get into it and to really experience it.

And then once we do that, the dam is... we break the dam, and the flow of life opens up once again, actually even in greater measure. Because now we're not resisting life. Basically, we never have to be afraid of life or what's in life. We can say yes to life no matter what's arising.

I know that's not easy, but if we say yes to everything that is arising, life can actually flow through us and show us where our own resistances are. We're actually deeper than... consciousness is deeper than all those hang-ups in life that we think need to be blocked off and that we need to run away from.

And until we know that, until we experience it and really process it and really grow in measure, we'll keep blocking them. And because we've blocked them, the universe might just keep giving us nudges to help us process. But it's not a negative masochistic system or something.

It's actually a very loving and intelligent system, and it tends to unfold and arise as it's beneficial for us to deal with. Not always, but in many cases, the challenges that arise arise at profitable moments, you could say moments when we're in a position where we can actually utilize the experience and respond to it and grow from it.

So would you say that a way to manifest could be to really go into acceptance? Like Matt Kahn speaks about loving what is. So if you're afraid of not being lovable like you said, or being alone, maybe moving into surrender, that's the situation that is right now.

I got to say something. This is important. Yes, absolutely. Acceptance opens the flow and is the power. Okay? But acceptance doesn't mean, "Oh, my gosh, I don't actually want to be alone, so I'm going to accept this because I want to escape it." That's not acceptance.

What I mean is acceptance is actually feeling what you're feeling all the way, not running away from it, not trying to create a different outcome, honoring yourself 100%. "I feel this way. I have this legitimate feeling. This is exactly how I feel." And spending time with the feeling, rather than resisting it or trying to push it away. Go find it as it arises, just however it arises in this moment.

So, as an example, if I might experience an anxiety that might arise from traveling is very difficult for me. And I had my traumatic experience happen during travel. So historically, I've had anxiety around the process of traveling, though that's healed so much.

But now if I have an experience where I feel that rise up, like it might arise in my diaphragm, I feel a sensation of negative, like an anxiety, then I can just look at it and say, "Okay, almost. Thank you for coming. Show me where is my resistance? What am I afraid of?"

And if you're really willing to feel into yourself, you'll usually find some pretty dark, nasty, scary gunk in there. But then the question is, what do you do with it? You don't have to solve it and fix it. Rather, it's asking for you to go see it, to go feel it, to go allow yourself to be vulnerable, to feel the aloneness or the powerlessness or whatever it is.

Go towards it without requiring it to leave. It's like a messenger. Anxiety and fear, you could say, is like a messenger. It arrives at your door. And so often we open the door and we're like, "I don't like that," and close the door. And then the next time it comes back and it knocks a little harder, and then you open the door and you're like, "No," and you close the door.

Well, it's not going to go away. I don't mean to oversimplify, this is a simple metaphor, but generally speaking, it won't go away until you open the door, welcome it in, come sit in the living room. And I would like to feel exactly why. What's the message you're delivering to me?

Okay, this is the important thing. At the root, the message that the fear is delivering to you is a negative self-perception that is not in alignment with the truth that you've bought into, that you think life has proven to you.

So for instance, if you're afraid of being powerless, that is not in alignment with the truth of who you really are. You are a powerful, immortal, multidimensional being. You can't be powerless. But you can experience fear when you associate with powerlessness because that's not native.

And it's like, "Oh my gosh, I don't like that." Go into it and explore it because at the depth of it, you will find you are powerful. Or if your fear is being unworthy, shameful, unworthy of love, that is not true. You're so incredibly precious and worthy and worthy to be loved by all of creation.

So then when you feel unworthy, it can prompt fear because "I don't like that. That's not who I am." It's not who you are. But what has the illusion seemed to prove to you? What fear has it allowed that you can then go into and feel and process and integrate.

And as you do this, you don't have to do it all at once. You just meet the present moment. That's the key. The thing that you think you're missing, you're not missing. So the law of attraction is like realizing because until you know that you're not missing it, you're associated with missing it. You're associated with the lack.

And so that's what is being focused on and created, but your true nature is not lacking at all.
Does that mean also that you're never in the wrong place? It's always perfect where you are. No matter what's going on, it's perfect.

So in one sense, yes, in another sense... I don't want to make it sound like the system is perfect because that's not true either. But that's really hard to talk about. Basically, the simplest way to put it would be, yes, you are exactly where you are, and there's reason for exactly where you are.

And the divine laws that are at the root of all things are built on wisdom and love. And so things are all flowing according to those divine laws. Just put it that way. According to plan. But sometimes the plan doesn't... I didn't say according to plan necessarily. Right. That's what I mean.

Maybe because I've read some book by Dolores Cannon where I got the understanding that sometimes the spirits were saying, "Yeah, this is not sort of supposed to happen, but sometimes it happens." And I'm like, "Absolutely, the system perfect." Okay. Yeah. So it's not because no, this is why, though.

The substance of the system, spirit itself, is perfect, but it's engaging a non-native set of forms in order to expand itself. Okay. So then as it engages that non-native state set of forms, it's committing into a circumstance set, into a constraint set.

And so pre-life, when I looked at the flowchart, I could see all these probabilities because the system is really, really good at predicting outcome. But what is the thing that changes the outcome? Free will. You get to make choices. I get to make choices.

Now, the system knows us really well, so it's pretty darn good at predicting the choices that we're likely to take. But it is a novel system. In fact, this is really important, actually, the novelty of the physical, the fact that novel outcomes can happen. That means unanticipated outcomes can happen.

That is the value, you see, because now you have a perfect all that is, that knows all. But now it's engaging something. It doesn't know what's going to happen, it doesn't understand what's going to happen, and it has to make choices and wield choices and see what the outcomes of those choices are.

And then, "Oh, something surprising just happened. That's amazing. That's exciting. Now what are we going to do?" And that process adds to all that is. You see that novelty adds to all that is. So it's not perfect and that everything is preset. It's very, very good.

But it's actually rather precious that all of us here on Earth are making choices from a place that we don't fully see. We're having to play on the fly, so to speak, and we're seeking, and then at the root of the whole game, we're trying to see if we can make choices that are more in alignment with love, with our true nature, than fear, which is association with the non-native illusion and unworthiness.

We're trying to see if we can be loving even here. And we're trying to integrate these experiences, really come to terms with what is it like to be me? What is it like to be a father or a friend or a son or a shopkeeper or a person playing in mud or someone who has broken their leg?

What is it like to be that person, and what choices do you make from it? That is the frontier of creation.
Wow. Yeah. And I read in your book that part of what we're doing here and how we're growing is by making these choices and expanding our... we're expanding by expanding our vocabulary, experience vocabulary.

Yeah. You can see... yeah. Destiny. So you speak about probabilities. You had millions of probabilities. That's a lot to choose from. I was thinking about that when you watched all these millions of possibilities?

Well, it's not like I chose from them all. It's more like I could see what was... I'm choosing. Now you see, now I'm 43 years into the simulation, and after this, I get to decide, am I going to go down and make dinner? Am I going to go take my guinea pigs outside and put them in the lawn, or am I going to go for a walk?

Okay. How does destiny come into this? I'm curious about that. So I know you're married, right? So yes. Do you have a soul contract then? Is that something you remember, that you had a soul contract? That you were... you talked about your father, your mother. Did you also choose your spouse?

Because it seems easier to choose your mother and father. They're ready to have a kid, and you come down.
Yeah, the mother and father are very close to the start point because they're generating the body. But then life happens, and people make their free choices. So what if that messes up all the plan?

So there's one concept that might help here. So when we set the plan at the beginning, we set key intentions, and the probabilities of the life tend to support those pre-life intentions. So in my case, my intention was to be physically crushed by illness and to experience this fear.

It sounds horrible to the human ego, but actually, it's a wonderful opportunity. So what that means is, since that was my intention, the circumstances of the life and body were likely, very likely to support that as manifesting in one way or another.

Now I can see it was very likely that by my early 20s, once the body got over... it's like just over, just over the peak of its biological growth, 22, that this would have happened to me. I could feel that from that point of view. Okay.

As for meeting my wife, I don't have any memory of that specifically. But it's not that every single aspect of our lives is a primary part of the contract. It's more like the contract is a primary thing or things... multiple, it could be multiple things that we want to experience, and then the life tends to work more around those things.

Some people do come to play certain roles for each other, to be in certain relationships. Well, then it's very likely... not 100% certain, never 100%. It could be 99.99%, might be 80, I don't know. But some likelihood that we will come across and meet that person and engage in a relationship with that person if that was beneficial to us.

Often the people that we reincarnate with to re-experience relationship have been beneficial for our own growth in some way, and we have a loving relationship with them already. So maybe we've already been parent and child, or maybe we've already been spouses, and now we want to experience each other from a different angle.

That is something we often do. In my case, that was not a part of my pre-birth plan. I was coming to do something more personal when it came to engaging fear.
That makes sense because I feel that from what I've learned that everything is very unique and special to the soul.

That's probably why there's so many different stories and near-death experience stories and soulmates and twin souls. I feel like there are some who are very focused on that who are maybe incarnating together again and again in different... you believe that too? That happens.

I mean, I think that a lot of times, especially with romantic relationships, we tend to very quickly want to identify the twin flame, the soulmate. I'm not making light of that. Sometimes that is the case. It's just that if we pre-plan some kind of a relationship experience, it's likely that that will unfold.

But it's not always the case. I mean, we are all one. We're all connected to each other. We're all loving brothers and sisters. We're all family. Like every single person listening today, you and I are family. We just don't remember it. And we have varying degrees of experience with each other. That's all beautiful. You know what I mean?

That's true. Okay, so can we take on too much?
The short answer is yes. But the thing is... okay, so the guides are really good at working with us to try to bite off an optimal amount of sandwich. Okay. Because if it's too easy, there's not maybe as much opportunity for expansion and personal growth.

But if it's too hard, it's just going to crush us. It's like if you go down to lay on a weight bench, you don't start with 500 pounds. You don't do that. That's not going to be beneficial to you. It's only going to hurt you.

See, the soul is kind of... I mean, it's a crude metaphor, but the soul is a little bit like that. Like it gains capability, depth of being, virtues. You could even say it gains experience in different avenues, and so then it wishes to expand in a certain way.

So when we first start, you could say that we just want to get some experience and get started. So we get in. We might take a more... I don't want to use the word routine life because every life is unique, but we might just take whatever we can, and then as we evolve and grow, we might take more and more specific goals because now that's something that I would really like to experience and learn.

Now, is it possible to take on too much? I mean, yes, there are unfortunately... well, I don't even want to use that word unfortunately. I'm not trying to judge this. In fact, I honor it very much. But there are thousands of people who commit suicide every day, right?

Because they have become overwhelmed in some way. It could be biological limitations, could be circumstantial limitations that led to biological limitations. It could be upbringing, it could be unforeseen trauma. There's lots of reasons.

And then the personality might get wrapped more and more and more into a smaller and smaller worldview, a smaller box, a form association that gets deeper and deeper and more and more painful. Because the more we associate with the limited, the further and further we actually are going vibrationally from the truth of our being, which is quite free and unlimited and full of peace and joy.

So sometimes we get wrapped in patterns so much that the weight of the experience may be too great for us. In my case, this fear that I'm here to process, it did best me. You could say in a previous experience, I was a very... not helpful person in a previous life with this fear.

And that was how I knew that I had this much fear and that it would be beneficial for me to work on because I could see that I had been a very damaging egoic, you could even say an egoic monster in this previous life. And so now I'm seeking to integrate that same fear.

And I'll just say one other thing that might be useful. So I don't have many specific memories of previous lives, but I do remember being a woman, a human woman who had given birth a first time, and it had been very painful. And then being pregnant a second time and being terrified of having to give birth and having to go through that pain again.

Because that fear is the same exact fear that I experienced in this life. Laying in a hospital bed in Chengdu after having a heat stroke and having my neurology feeling like it was dying. The circumstances are different. Both of them were a fear response to being unable to escape pain.

That's the fear is my rejection of pain, my rejection of having to suffer. So I went down a bit of a tangent there, but I'm just saying in that past, it may have overcome me, but the thing is now it's an opportunity. See, ultimately, everything is used ultimately for the good. The system is very efficient.

And still, I just want to address what you mentioned, that some people are making that choice of leaving this life, and many have been thinking about it. Like, I just spoke to a doctor who said, "I hear this all the time. I think a lot of people are entertaining that thought even."

Is that part of the free will as well? Or do you know anything about from what you remember? Do you need to go back and do it all again? Do you have any thoughts about suicide?

First of all, I'm not making light of the utter rigor and pain that can be experienced in this life. I have experienced incredible pain. I have neurochemical issues sometimes, and I've experienced lows that are so painful. I totally understand why someone would want to kill their body and just to get some relief.

So I'm not at all making light of it. That being said, suicide is not an escape. And what I mean is, the opportunity is now. We may be very far down a certain trajectory into pain and into limitation and into an association with believing you are powerless or unworthy.

And look, I have a lifetime to prove it to me, and it happens every day, and it's so... I'm not making light of that depth of momentum. But now this moment is a new moment. A new moment to change the momentum and to stop and to pause, because your true nature is deeper than all that horror and pain.

Your true nature is love and freedom and joy. Okay, I know that's a mighty step, a Grand Canyon between the darkness of deepest depression and the native love and joy. That vibrational distance is ridiculously huge. But in that distance is the opportunity to surrender, to accept, to choose something new, to choose maybe service to another instead of fretting over yourself or something for a moment.

I don't mean to make light of that or to choose to do... to choose joy in some small way or to choose simply to endure even the pain and to know that it's temporary and it will get better. It will go away. It's not who you are. The pain is not who you are.

You could say depression is like a lie. It's like a neurochemical lie. I know that when you're in it, you can't feel good. You can't even feel good. I understand. But you could say that even there, you get to wield an intention. You get to wield a state of being in that, and it's like there's a Bashar quote I love.

"Circumstances don't matter. Only state of being matters." And you get to choose your state of being in any moment. You can shift that momentum.

Okay, so now to your question, what's the implication of suicide? I cannot possibly speak to that in one swoop. I can simply say that where there is yet unaddressed fear, it is beneficial for us to go and process it and heal it.

And so often when we're in the depths of the darkness is the most valuable opportunity. And so it is valuable to stay and to do everything that we can to meet that. That being said, I'll also say that unconditional love is unconditional.

It's not like you get to the other side and it's, "You messed up." No, those on the other side, they see the pain, the rigor. It's like if someone goes to Mount Everest and climbs Mount Everest and they're like, "It's cold up here." Yeah, it's cold up on Mount Everest.

Do you feel like if they come back down and they didn't make it all the way to the summit, do you judge them and say, "You didn't do well enough." No, we understand. They tried something incredible, they tried something mighty. And that's how it is to be human, and especially to be human into certain depths of darkness.

It's like climbing Mount Everest. Yes. It's cold and there's no air up there. The question is, what do you do with it when it's cold and there's no air? It's not like you can fail. You can't fail climbing Mount Everest, you know what I mean?

Whether you make it halfway up or all the way to the summit, it's a valuable experience either way. And then later you get to choose. You get to choose if you would like to return and do it again.

Yeah. When I was very depressed in my 20s, I had some thoughts around it. But I had a family that I loved, and I just knew I could never do it. But I wanted to just escape the pain of not feeling anything and not seeing any hope in my life.

But I had a thought, like, "What if in the future there's something in store for me, and I would regret this?" And here I am today, doing something I never thought I would do, and I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't depressed. I would never have asked the big questions.

So it started this spiritual journey for me, and now I have this platform and sharing these messages.
Yeah. I feel that life is so brilliant. So today I see the purpose with my depression.

A lot of people who experience depression or other neurochemical imbalances are the most spiritually sensitive among us because there's different depths to which you can dive into the physical. There are different depths of experiencing even physical contrast.

Like, I'm a very sensitive person, so I experience things more intensely than the average human being. There's so many substances, even sources of light, things that I can't tolerate, that other people have no problem with. But see, all the contrast is valuable.

So I'm just saying that it's often the spiritually mighty, the strongest among us who go all the way into the dark. And I've heard Natalie Sudman, the near-death experiencer. She said that in her near-death experience, she saw that humans, especially those who are doing these great challenges, are seen like fighter jet pilots who are flying their jets upside down, 20 feet off the ground.

Just incredible, incredible acts of expression and creativity and growth and ultimately the service of love and joy. That is who we are. And that love and the joy that we are, it cannot be truly overcome. The deepest, darkest depression is not deeper than it.

No matter what kind of image you put on a movie screen, you can't actually harm the screen. You can't actually get deeper than the screen. And similarly, if we allow and fully feel even the deepest darkness and fully forgive ourselves, and fully forgive those around us and fully honor the journey we've had to come this far.

Holy crap. We really honor it, really feel it, feel it all. You can process all that here and grow in that way and now forever. You can know that depth, that new space that you... I don't want to use the word carved out in experience space. You can heal and grow through that.

And when we do that all the way, there is only peace and love and joy left. Love and peace and joy is always possible, even if we are in a moment of absolutely incredible pain and hopelessness.

Beautiful. What is the meaning of life from your perspective?
The simplest way to put it is love. Love is the reason the physical universe is that. The purpose of it is the expansion of love and joy through the integration of experience and through choice-making, seeking to make choices out of love rather than fear.

Wow. It has been such a joy speaking with you. Christian, thank you so much for sharing. I watched your show back in the day before I had even shared my experience, I don't know, four or five years ago now. I loved your show, and I was encouraged.

And every time I see people share, I think... I meet a lot of people now that reach out to me, and they share their experiences. We are not alone. There are a lot of people out there who have experiences, and it's okay, this is normal.

We really are spiritual beings having a human experience. And so many people just don't feel like there's a way they can share it or that it can be validated. So I really appreciate that. Like all those little nudges of seeing your show and watching, like, boot at the gas pump, that was another one for me.

That's really valuable work because this type of activity, sharing the real message and helping to remind people of who we really are, this is the real work. Consciousness is first. The form is second. So if we can find that love and that peace and that joy and meet our own crap and encourage people to do that, we are healing the world.

This is the real. It's the same for me. Like I just told you, it's a bit personal. It was part of me that lost some curiosity for a while. And then I started listening to sort of near-death experiences. And I came over your experiences, and all of a sudden something opened up within me again, and I started becoming curious again.

And I think there's a reason for everything because I had to build my company. Now we have a membership, we have online courses. I really had to sort of step into the businesswoman and make decisions and create the company. It was a lot of hard work.

But now that that's sort of in place, I feel like I have the space again to be curious again.
That's wonderful. And that's okay. If it comes and goes, that's okay.

So how can people reach you? What are you working with? I don't even know, actually, what you're doing. I just read your book. But what are you doing for a living? Are you working with this?

So right now I work full-time as a project manager for an insurance company. But I intend to move away from that. Yeah, I did project management for a nuclear valve and pump manufacturing company for 16 years. Took six months off.

But I am so passionate about this work, and I do intend to move. I am in the process of moving more and more into this space. It is such a joy-filled work. I've got to meet so many amazing people.

So how can people reach me? So I have a website. A Walk in the Physical.com? There's a book page. My book is available online for free as a readable PDF on Google Books. Just go to the third link down on the book page. It's also on Amazon in print or Kindle or audiobook.

It's not about money. I just want to share the message. And if you'd like to email me, I'm happy to try to respond. I'm sorry. Sometimes I get so many emails, I just cannot respond to everybody. I apologize, but I'm happy to respond to as many as I can.

It's awalkinthephysical@gmail.com.
Thank you so much, Christian, for your wonderful work and for showing up today.
Thank you so much for having me. It's been an honor. I appreciate it.